A Manitoba mother says her son's deadly addiction was unexpected and is warning others in hopes of preventing more deaths.
Liz (Friesen) Ledarney of Beausejour, Man., says her son David was 28-years-old when he headed off to work in the oil fields in Alberta. It was two years later he had a confession to make.
“He was a good kid," Liz says. "He was a good-looking kid. He did well financially. He knew how to make a lot of money and that was where actually the addiction began. He got a job in the oil field in Alberta and that is where he was introduced to cocaine, a party drug, not looked at as something that is of much concern. Like, ‘Everybody drinks, everybody does cocaine. It's ok. Don't worry about it.’ That was his attitude. That was the attitude surrounding him when he was out there.”
Looking back, Liz realizes they didn’t know how to handle the news their son had confided in them.
"I was so shocked I didn't know which questions to ask. I knew nothing. I didn't see any red flags other than, ‘Oh, this is good. He's admitting it. Maybe this is good.’ And he continued to say, ‘Do you think maybe I should go to a rehab?’ And I said, ‘Well, I don't think so. So, you've done drugs a few times. You know that now it might be a problem. So no, let’s just carry on. He was a church-going and so-called Christian Believer, and we said, ‘Let's just go to church and continue in faith that you'll be OK.’ Looking back, I will tell anyone if someone tells you, ‘I might need rehab' or [asks] 'do you think I need rehab?’ please, check out rehab and take it very seriously.”
He worked in the oil fields, made money, and came home and decided to buy a farm.
“So, he and his dad started farming together. That's when we realized how badly it was affecting him. He became undependable, things weren't happening when they should happen because he was very often struggling with a cocaine hangover, which is very different from alcohol, but basically, he was out, in bed, and couldn't function one or two or three days a week.”
In 2017, David went to an outpatient drug rehab. When he got out, he started a ministry called “Finding Freedom.” It was an arm of the outpatient rehab he went to, with the support of the church the family attended in Beausejour.
Things went quite well for a while after rehab. He started seeing a new girlfriend and at the same time, he built a motocross track on his farmland, pursuing a dream he had as he was a well-known, long-time motocross rider.
By the fall of 2019, though, his ministry began to fade and eventually shut down. Liz admitts she didn't think he was properly equipped and needed a partner to walk alongside him. He and his girlfriend parted ways which brought him down, and the Rural Municipality said David’s motocross track didn’t have permission to be there and there was conflict, putting his dream in jeopardy.
These three stressors contributed to him going back to cocaine to help him cope. And it escalated quickly, because, according to Liz, that’s what relapses do.
In 2021, he asked to move home due to his loneliness, which the Ledarneys were grateful for. He seemed fine for the next five months, except for the occasional outing with friends from his troubled past.
In 2022, he and his father had some bad experiences due to David’s inability to farm well. Still after this, David rededicated his life to God, shared his story at church, read his Bible, and overall, he seemed happy.
In the meantime, he had started a job in ice-road trucking, a 10-week job in the winter of 2023 paying him $50,000. Trying to return life back to normal, Liz and her husband had decided to go to Arizona for winter like they usually did, meaning David came home to an empty house while they were away. It was during this time he had a third relapse.
According to Liz, every time a relapse takes place it is worse than the last one. She encourages people who have an addicted loved one to learn about the effects their drug of choice has on their mind because it takes control over it.
At this time, they were very concerned for their son, as the addiction had really hit him hard. There was a lot of talk about going to different rehab programs such as Adult & Teen Challenge and other full-time organizations, but David was reluctant to go. Now, at 42-yeas-old, he had adult responsibilities and didn’t think he could take the time off to go away full-time. He was spending his money faster than it was coming in and he needed to work.
By the summer, David’s words and actions didn’t match. He was using drugs constantly and heavily. He was making poor decisions that didn’t make sense. His ability to think things through was gone. She described it as talking to a 12-year-old boy and not a man. He was dysfunctional and did not pay any bills despite making money on the ice roads.
David had $63 in his bank account on August 1, 2023, the day he died of a cocaine overdose.
“The day he passed away; he had a long talk with his sister about going to rehab. When we got his phone after he passed away August 1, his last emails were, ‘This is my last time, this is my last time. This is for sure my last time.’ It was his last time but not in the way that he thought.”
Looking back, Liz wished they had taken him straight to rehab, even if he didn’t want to but realized he was an adult.
“He was never angry anymore in his last few months, actually. He was always so filled with love for his family. He knew he wanted to quit, but he just didn't know how. He couldn't think straight anymore. His mind was too affected and if there’s one thing I can tell people, there's a lie out there, 'You can help them when they hit rock bottom.' Rock bottom is so often too late. They've either lost their mind, or they’ve lost their life.”
Her biggest message to people is if someone comes to you and admits they have a problem, jump on the opportunity to find them the help they need and encourage them to believe they can beat it and find freedom.
