No judging, no shaming and no expectations... just a safe place to tell your story and be seen. At its essence, that is Paul Jenkinson's "You are not alone, I will listen - cross Canada journey".
After a fifty year career in social services, the father of three, grandfather and great-grandfather embarked on this trek more than four month ago leaving his home in Nova Scotia and heading west. The majority of his career was spent in British Columbia, with him attaining his Master of Social Work from the University of British Columbia in 2002. Over the years he worked as a Resident Counselor, Social and Family Outreach Worker and Specialized Seniors Clinic Social Worker.
Why did he choose to stop in this part of Southern Manitoba? He has a family connection in Winkler.
"I have joy and I have sorrow, just like everyone I sit and listen to," he shared when we caught up with him as a stop at the Altona Farmer's Market on Saturday. "I'm committed to actually starting with long listening to people, a compassionate kind of listening, not interrupting, no judging, no shaming, just a safe place to tell either a beautiful story. (For example) people tell me, 'We just found out we're going to have a baby. We just got engaged,' Lovely things. They also tell me somebody died yesterday that we really care about, and we're heartbroken. I sit with them through all of that."
"It's completely unexpected"
Jenkinson has been on the road for more than 130 days, and admits he started this journey with some anxiety and trepidation.
"Yeah, there's trepidation," he said. "Most trepidation is when you're sitting in a coffee shop, and you're not sure where you're going to live that night. In 130 days now, I have stayed in a motel seven times, and other than that, people have invited me, or just at that moment, I'll see an e-mail from somebody saying, 'If you're ever in this community, our community, give us a phone call.'"
As you can imagine, what Jenkinson is doing does come as surprise to a lot of people when they meet him, and sometimes he needs to offer some kind encouragement for someone to share.
"I've sat and listened to people for forty years, but this is out in a public setting," he said. "It's completely unexpected, but, I have been able to build some bridges. There are bridges that allow people to connect to strangers. I tell people I'm a social worker, things that will allow them to feel safe, and then we have conversations. It's become an easier thing to do to connect."
In 20 minutes we'll have a mutual connection
"I always have to remember you cannot get into a shtick, you can't get into a routine," he cautioned. "You really have to look at these people, and tell them something truthful, and ask for something truthful back from them."
The act of listening is such a simple one, but Jenkinson has found it is an immensely impactful thing to do for others.
"I think the general understanding is if I see you, you're no longer invisible," he said. "If I hear you, and I allow you to be your full self, I'm not judging you, I'm not challenging you, I'm not shaming you... Carl Rogers called this, unconditional positive regard. When I sit with people, the value of listening is they know I unconditionally have chosen to like them, and I'm not moving from that. They can say anything. I'm not moving. I choose to like you."
Where to next?
After a jaunt to the United States this week to visit a friend he hasn't seen in forty years, Jenkinson will be returning to Manitoba for the week of September 22nd, spending time in Winnipeg at Canadian Mennonite University.
"In the offering (of listening), I meet the most beautiful people," he noted. "A part of me says, 'I should be paying for this.' What they bring is so beautiful and so meaningful, so vulnerable, that I have this wonderful experience every day. I go home, and wherever home is that day, I go, 'That was amazing.'"
You can listen to our entire conversation with Paul Jenkinson, below. You can also follow his journey, here.