The holidays can be a difficult time for people living with a problem drinker and it may bring a variety of feelings such as anxiety, confusion, disappointment, embarrassment, shame or anger.
Al-Anon is a support group for families and friends affected by someone else's drinking (and/or drug abuse). Members learn about the family disease of alcoholism and how to cope with a problem drinker.
While situations are different, the feelings are often the same. The following are suggestions which some Al-Anon members in the Southeast have found to be helpful.
- Lower expectations to reduce stress. When we expect too much of ourselves or another person - especially a problem drinker - we set ourselves up for disappointment and resentment. Al-Anon slogans include "Easy Does It" and "Keep It Simple".
- Communicate before an event. If you set a boundary such as no alcohol in your home, let your guests know ahead of time.
- It may help to have more than one plan. Plan A could include the problem drinker, whenever and wherever possible. However, pressuring someone to go or not go somewhere, or act a certain way, likely won't turn out well. No one likes to be controlled. Plan B may involve attending a function alone. Sometimes that's hard to do because we worry about what others will think. At other times, it's a way of enjoying an event without the stress and embarrassment of how the drinker may act.
- Make choices for yourself. In Al-Anon, members learn that they have choices. It's okay to plan, but trying to control a situation may result in upsetting the problem drinker and in hurt feelings for themselves.
- Adjust plans as needed. When our holiday plans are met with silence, inaction or anger, we may need to make a different plan. It's good to recognize and be aware that the holidays can be even more stressful for an alcoholic than other times of the year.
- Choices could include whether or not to attend a function, or to limit the time spent there. It's okay to leave if you're feeling uncomfortable. Another possibility is making plans to leave an event at a different time than the drinker.
The Steinbach group points out that members of Al-Anon learn how to stop enabling the drinker and how to detach in a loving way. “Family members need not feel responsible for the drinker's actions.”
In Al-Anon they learn to focus less on the alcoholic and more on their own responses.
“If your life has been affected by someone else's drinking - past or present - you are welcome in an Al-Anon group. The website al-anon.org has information for both newcomers and professionals. Meeting information can also be found at mbnwo-alanon.org or by calling 204-943-6051. The Steinbach Al-Anon Group meets on Mondays at 7:30 pm at the Steinbach Cultural Arts Centre, 304 Second Street (back door, downstairs). Email steinbachafg@gmail.com. Contact person: Marlene 204-326-1172. Note: Steinbach Al-Anon meets every Monday except on Christmas Day. Meetings resume on Monday, January 1.”
There is also a support group (Alcoholics Anonymous) in Steinbach for alcoholics. AA is a fellowship of people who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.
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