There is a flurry of things to think about during wedding planning. Which venue? Guest list? Flowers? It’s an endless list of items to check off. In Manitoba, however, before all that, there is an event that asks a different set of questions: What type of pickles should we set out? How many rolls of tickets will we need? How far into the night will Aunt Tina start line dancing this time?
These are the questions one asks before the wedding social, a distinctly Manitoban tradition.
Homegrown fun
As the story goes, the wedding social was born in Manitoba. For almost everyone who lives in the Pembina Valley, the tradition is a given after an engagement, but did you know that the concept is uniquely ours?
In the international wedding site theknot.com's article about incorporating Canadian traditions into weddings, the social is named after the region — the phenomenon is referred to as a “Winnipeg social” or a “Manitoba social” across the country and even beyond it.
But what is a wedding social?
The main purpose of a wedding social is to raise money for a bride and groom to offset some of the wedding costs. This is done in a simple and classic way: with a great big party, to which everyone is invited.
For Katelin Letkeman, a Morden bride who is currently planning a November “winter wonderland” themed wedding social with her fiancé Brandon, her turn to have the event is almost a birthright.
“As an organized gal, planning a wedding social is a mix of excitement and logistics,” she says. “We started with picking a venue that could hold around 350 people because we knew that we would want to have a bigger social, and then we focused on ticket sales, organizing prizes, planning the food, and entertainment. The whole process has been really fun.”
Letkeman touches on some of the essential components of the wedding social. One needs a place for people to gather, entry tickets, prizes to win at the end of the night, food, and music.
If it seems straightforward, that’s the charm of it. For Letkeman, the practicality and simplicity marks it out as particularly Southern Manitoban.
“It’s such a cultural thing here,” says Letkeman. “It’s very ‘prairie’ in the best way because it’s simple, it’s community-driven, and it’s practical. People come out, they get to come together [and] support each other. They’re doing this all the time anyway, whether it’s for farming, sports, [or other] wedding socials, [so] there’s a kind of no-nonsense approach to it. You have food, drinks, good company — everyone pitches in. It’s very reflective of prairie life, and I think that’s why it’s so meaningful to Manitobans.”
In this way, the celebration is more than the sum of its parts. While it may seem like any other party to someone who has not been to a wedding social, residents of the Pembina Valley know otherwise.
The venue you heard about from a friend
The first step of the wedding social is selecting the venue. Elsewhere, perhaps this would be done by searching for a suitable location online, looking at brochures, or touring locations, but not in the Pembina Valley. If you are planning to throw a social, it’s likely that you already know where you want it. It will be a place familiar just from being a community member — likely a hall, centre, or facility where your cousin or good friend had their wedding social that one memorable night.
After the location is selected, it’s time to create tickets, which go on sale before the event. Tickets for entry generally cost $10 (a price that seems to be impervious to inflation) and there is also the option of purchasing a support ticket to help the couple even without being physically present.
An established music playlist
On the day itself, Letkeman says that there are several things that “absolutely need to happen” at a wedding social in the Pembina Valley.
The first is good music, which must always include “Boot Scootin’ Boogie” by Brooks & Dunn.
“I am not a country girl myself, but I also feel like it has to be there. It's a must,” says Letkeman. “On Spotify there is a playlist titled ‘Manitoba Socials’ and that song is on it along with many other classics. You could almost just hand that to your DJ and say, ‘Just play this.’ There are certain songs that have to be played.”
There is a good selection of country music included in the list of iconic social songs, including “Fishing in the Dark” by Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, Big & Rich’s “Save a Horse,” and “Achy Breaky Heart” by Billy Ray Cyrus.
“You want to get people up and dancing,” says Letkeman, who says the song that does it for her is Shania Twain’s “Man, I Feel Like a Woman.”
“Play [those songs] and 90% of the people will be dancing whether they like the song or not,” she says.
“Cotton Eye Joe” by Rednex and the Village People’s “Y.M.C.A” are also classics that get people out of their chairs. The eclectic mix also tends to include “Party Rock Anthem” by LMFAO, a more recent song that has entered the classic rotation.
Semisonic’s “Closing Time” has been finishing out the evening since the late 90s, and since the 80s, the more sensitive among us have dropped our jaws when it’s time for Billy Idol’s “Mony Mony.”
Faspa foods
Between songs or after them, it is also customary to have some type of food to fuel the dancers. In the Pembina Valley, the preferred offering is deeply tied to the region.
“While of course you can choose any food you like, my personal opinion [is that] the food needs to be your classic buns, sandwich meat, cheese, pickles, mustard,” she says.
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In other words, something resembling faspa (a popular Mennonite tradition).
“I feel like it's not a social if you don't have a little sandwich at the end of the night,” says Letkeman. “People have all sorts of food from pizza to anything, but I think [providing faspa foods] is what sets a wedding social apart.”
The grand finale
A pivotal moment at the social is when the music stops. At this moment, before anyone even announces what time it is, everyone in attendance begins taking out the tickets they purchased, either for the 50/50 draw, or the raffle prizes.
“[There has to be] raffles, silent auctions, and/or classic prize draws,” says Letkeman, adding that the prizes tend to range from gift baskets to larger items like electronics, trips, and of course, sports packages.
Friends new and old
As far as social dynamics go, the wedding social is particularly unique in this as well. Unlike other public parties, this one is equally intimate and open to people that aren’t known to the majority.
For Letkeman, this aspect keeps it exciting.
“There's always the people that just heard about a social and like to dance,” she says. “You do not need to know the couple — there is no pressure for that at all. I've been to plenty of socials where I didn't know anybody there and you just dance the night away and have a great time.”
On the other hand, it’s also an event that brings close friends and family together, as well as old acquaintances.
As an attendee, Letkeman says that her favourite part of a wedding social is the opportunity to celebrate an upcoming union even if she isn’t going to the wedding itself.
“The energy is always really incredible,” she says. “You can't have everybody at your wedding, right? So it's really nice to be able to invite . . . acquaintances that want to come and celebrate with you or support you in some kind of way.”
Letkeman also loves that each couple leaves their own mark on the wedding social structure. It’s a good way to catch an intimate glimpse of who they are.
More than dancing and prizes
While it’s true that small details and traditions are important at a Pembina Valley wedding social, the most important feature of the night — and perhaps the real thing that keeps the tradition alive — is the comradery and togetherness of this type of event.
“It’s more than just a fundraiser,” says Letkeman. “It’s a chance to bring everyone together in a fun, laid-back setting. It’s a way for friends and family to show their support for the couple in a tangible way, which is really nice.”
For the happy bride and groom, having their community come together to support them in this way is meaningful.
“It is so special to us. It's a mix of fun and purpose, so you have everyone from co-workers to childhood friends to work acquaintances showing up to celebrate and support you,” says Letkeman. “When somebody like a childhood friend that I haven't seen in 20 years [says,] ‘I'll buy a ticket,’ that means so much.”
Letkeman says that she and Brandon often gush to each other at the end of the day about who has purchased a ticket.
“It’s a big reflection of the love and support from the community and it just feels so personal,” she says.
At its core, the Pembina Valley wedding social is a long-standing tradition that provides the community with an extra opportunity to celebrate the connection between two people. In its intentions, it’s wholesome, regardless of which lyrics one sings during Mony Mony.