“We grew up in a very different playground than kids are growing up in.”
Bridging the gap between parents and the technology their children are growing up with was the main theme of special guest speaker Val Caldwell’s presentation Wednesday night at Garden Valley Collegiate.
A topic that she warned would be difficult to digest, as she delved into the realities of just how available we are to each other through our devices.
An active interest
Caldwell opened the night by showing a series of application icons commonly found on youth and children’s devices and doing a temperature check on the audience to see who was familiar with what.
Many of the apps were obvious, YouTube, Instagram, Snapchat being among them, but some were less known among those in attendance, such as Discord or Twitch.
The purpose of the quiz, according to Caldwell, was to help equip parents to play in the playground that their kids are playing in, and to help them take an active interest in what fascinates their youth. To promote asking questions, being interested in learning, and avoid judging.
She used the platform Roblox as an example for this, sharing that many parents believe that their child is playing a game called Roblox, whereas in reality, Roblox is a platform that boasts over 40 million different types of games, many of which are not suitable for children, according to Caldwell.
“Approach it with curiosity, not aggression. It’s easy to get mad at all this stuff and get overwhelmed, but if your kids are in that space, why not get in there and figure it out?... Help them be safe instead of just being aggressive about it.”
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Devices in bedrooms
Caldwell shared a startling statistic, that between 2010 and 2021, the percentage of high schoolers that slept less than seven hours each night increased from one-third to roughly half.
“The one thing you’re going to hear me say at least twenty times tonight, is devices have no place in bedrooms.”
A strong through-line throughout the night was this statement, and the idea that kids go to bed to go to sleep.
Caldwell did offer a solution that she implemented in her house: creating an area to charge all devices for the night and returning them in the morning.
“My husband and I also follow that rule... if I’m going to talk about a healthy lifestyle and I’m going to talk about a good night’s sleep, and a component of that means no technology, then should I not follow that same rule?”
Caldwell suggested that parents may find an easier time implementing rules like this, if they approached them with the mindset of creating a conversation, explaining the “whys” behind creating a house rule, instead of simply banning devices.
“Kids are far more apt to follow rules if they get to be a part of the discussion around the rules.”
Mental health and technology
Caldwell touched on understanding that technology does have positive ways that it can help with mental health, referencing her time during the pandemic.
“To be able to FaceTime and communicate with the people I love... that was very important to me... I think that’s a good example of how we can use technology to bolster our mental health.”
Though, it was the other side of that coin that she drew attention to, sharing links to technology use and a lowering of self-esteem through comparison to one another, as well as a rise in anxiety, quoting psychologist Robert L. Leahy:
“The average high school kid today has the same level of anxiety as the average psychiatric patient in the 1950’s.”
She shared that constant comparison with classmates was a strong factor in this, saying, “They’re comparing themselves not now to the Cindy Crawford’s of the world, but the Cindy who sits beside them in math class... Even though they know that that person doesn't look like that, they’re still comparing the way their pictures look to somebody else’s pictures.”
Content Warning
The final topic covered by Caldwell touches on topics that are sexual in nature, in the context of internet safety.
The ugly truth
Caldwell ended the night with a conversation centred on sextortion, defining the word as a form of blackmail where a person is threatened with an explicit image or video of themselves for either money or more sexual content.
She shared that out of the online harms youth and children received last year, 3400 were due to sextortion, with 80 victims per week, and more than 11 per day according to cybertip.ca, the Canada-wide tipline for reporting online sexual abuse and exploitation of children.
Another statistic shared was from the RCMP, in which it was revealed that 91% of sextortion incidents last year involved young boys. She reminded everyone to look out for their sons as well as their daughters and reiterated that devices left with children at night can be dangerous.
“When they're on the Internet at night, there's no one there to help them if they encounter something that's inappropriate or people are talking to them.”
A Canadian study was also referenced that was done with 470 adolescents, in which 98% of them reported to have been exposed to pornography; the average first exposure being around 12 years old, and one third reported to be exposed as young as by the age of 10.
“A news story will come on about something and the parents will say, ‘How could that kid be so stupid’? Well, if you’ve heard your parents say that, and then you make a mistake, are you going to be comfortable to come to them?”
Helpful resources
One of the key points Caldwell put forward was that she did not want parents to panic, but rather reflect and think about the topics discussed at her Bridging the Gap presentation.
However, she did provide some instructions on how to help if a person, or someone they know, is a victim of sextortion:
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Stop all communication with the offender
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Reach out to a trusted adult, and report to cybertip.ca or the local police. “You won’t be in trouble with law enforcement, and you are not to blame in this situation. By reporting it, you can help make it stop.”
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Do not comply with any threats, do not send money or more images.
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Deactivate, but do not delete your social media account or images
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Save a copy of any images you sent, and take screenshots of the messages and the person’s profile including the username
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Trust your instincts, and practice caution while communicating when online.
When asked what she hopes parents took away from her presentation, Caldwell shared,
“I hope that parents will go home and reflect and think about the things we talked about and just really make a conscious effort to work on that bridge-building with their kids. That’s my hope.”
Click below to hear the full interview with Val Caldwell.