Stopping self-sabotaging behavior amid the stressors of daily life may seem impossible for those coping with stress in unhealthy ways.
Communications Coordinator with Envision Counselling & Support Centre, Raven Daer, said self-sabotage can range from procrastination and negative self-talk to excessive binge-eating or too much screen time, and other habits that only seem to help in the short term.
"When we're talking about self-sabotage, it's often psychological and typically rooted in some sort of a fear of failure or potentially just a low self-worth relating back to our personal wellness," she said.
"Some healthy coping strategies for that could be reframing our self-talk so the way that we speak to ourselves is very, very important. We have to be that wonderful, positive voice in our own heads, and it can even be as simple as just changing some simple words. Instead of saying, 'I can never accomplish this', say, 'One step at a time, I can do this with small actions', so just breaking it up into something that's a little bit more manageable for ourselves and trying to really help instill that positive mindset."
Daer said talking down to ourselves creates more negative feelings.
"We need to start with micro goal setting, so break your goals into smaller, more achievable steps because we know that success builds motivation. So if we are feeling those small successes along the way, we are going to be more motivated to keep pushing forward and to try to continue to do better, and that leads into those healthy distractions as well."
A healthy distraction can be swapping unhealthy stress-coping habits for more beneficial ones.
"Instead of scrolling social media for a little bit, maybe go take a little bit of a walk or try some deep breathing. I know it sounds silly in the moment, but these small things can actually make such a huge impact on our personal wellness."
She advises not stressing over the small changes.
"What works for some people might not work for us. If we are hearing that we need to hold those breaths a little longer and we're struggling and then we're kind of getting in this panic state, recognize that that doesn't work for you and try something else."
Reframing thought processes is a lot like reframing a diet.
"We know that if we try and go over the top and cut out all of those foods that we love and only eat healthy things and perhaps we are limiting our intake and all of those things and focusing on stuff that maybe isn't actually attainable right in the in the short term, then we are kind of backing ourselves into a corner and feeling that defeat and losing that motivation to keep trying."
That said, how one prioritizes their own well-being and choosing to make that daily commitment to themselves can look a lot like making healthier choices, yet the mindset factors in just as much as the physical habits.
"Are we feeding our bodies with enough healthy food? Are we getting enough sleep? Are we setting boundaries and saying no when we need to? And are we speaking to ourselves with kindness and encouragement versus that negative self talk? These things add up over time and the more we practice them, the stronger our self esteem and well-being will become."
Daer said focusing on gratitude and setting goals means being thankful for what we have or are able to do, shifting our focus to what's good in our lives. This, she noted, especially benefits those who find it easy to dwell on what's going wrong.
"When we practice gratitude and we take time each day to recognize the things we appreciate, it actually rewires our mindset. So this could simply just be writing down three things that you're grateful for each day, and they don't even have to be big. Maybe it's a kind message from a friend, or the sun's out today and we're happy about that. Maybe it's your cup of coffee tasted really good this morning."
Over time, these small habits train the brain to notice the positives and help one become grounded in the present, which helps with goal-setting in the sense of purpose.
"Even if it's putting on your favorite music while you're doing it, finding a way to make those less enjoyable tasks maybe a little bit more enjoyable."
Another important thing to stay focused on is that which we can control.
"Taking care of ourselves, always in turn, has that positive benefit and impact on our well-being and self-esteem."
Daily wellness practices, therefore, she pointed out, are not about achieving perfection.
"It is about showing up for yourself each and every day in those small ways. Some days are going to be easier than others, and that's okay. The key is to keep choosing yourself and to keep making decisions that support your health, happiness, and self-worth."
Daer encourages everyone, "Take a moment to check in with yourself. Maybe think about one small thing that you can do today to care for your mind, body, and spirit, because those little things matter and they add up to the healthier, happier you."
Connecting with family, friends, and supportive people in your life, she said, not only reduces stress, but it can also help one tap into a long-term perspective about their purpose and identity.
"Health is a shared responsibility. Taking care of yourself, although it really is largely important for you, it's not just for you. It impacts all of the people that are in your life, whether it's friends, family, or coworkers at work. We know that time is precious, so making those small positive changes now will lead to a better quality of life in the long run as well."
"We've heard it so many times before that one person can make such a large impact, and sometimes you never know how special you are and how big of an impact you may have in some lives. Be mindful that you matter and you do make a difference, so it is important for you to prioritize yourself and prioritize your own well-being so that you can be the best you."
Nothing in life is guaranteed, Daer added, and all anyone has control over are their own choices. While not everyone can say they have made the best choices within their lives, or even within their days, don't be too hard on yourself.
"Give yourself the grace to recognize that. Just recognize that and then follow through with some of those smaller, more actionable items that you're able to encompass with in your life without being too overwhelming and be kind to yourself along the way."
Envision Counselling & Support Centre can also offer coping tools and suggestions to help support people. If you need to reach out for support or counselling, you can call any of their office locations. In Weyburn, their office number is 306-842-8821.
"Within 48 hours of contacting our agency, our intake worker will reach out to you and schedule you in with the counsellor that is working in the program that best suits your needs."
Other ways to reach out include e-mailing info@envisioncounselingcentre.com, or visiting their website for more information.