When bad looks good: Biblical wisdom to make smart choices in life, love and friendship

Why can bad things appear so beautiful? Why are we so drawn to the shiny object in the room?

Wendy Patrick, PhD. is a career prosecutor with degrees in psychology, law, divinity, and theology. For decades, she has worked with victims and witnesses who dismissed red flags and personal intuition, only to find themselves entangled in perilous situations with dangerous people. 

Inspired to help others avoid falling victim to the hazards of misperceptions, Wendy wrote Why Bad Looks Good: Biblical Wisdom to Make Smart Choices in Life, Love, and Friendship. In its pages, Wendy explains the emotional and psychological reasons behind our attraction to people and circumstances that ultimately prove harmful and destructive. She shares stories of real people and real legal cases, as well as biblical wisdom and personal counsel to help others develop discernment and live with equal parts caution and optimism.

• When Bad Appears Beautiful: Attractiveness does not always equate to righteousness. We misjudge attractive people by attributing favourable qualities to them that they do not actually possess (also known as the halo effect). We must first verify that a person’s external beauty comes from within. (John 7:24)
• The Fallacy of Feelings: Relationships rooted in feelings make us vulnerable to dangerous, toxic people, especially if we believe ourselves unworthy of love and respect. We can either disregard our internal warning system, or we can pursue biblical wisdom to understand our feelings and make informed decisions. (Jeremiah 17:9)
• When Bad Feels Good: Not everything that feels good is a sin. God designed us to live, laugh, and love in community. Biblical warnings of sensual pleasures and temptations are designed to preserve and protect, not punish. God wants us to find true peace and comfort, not cheap thrills and flashing indulgences. (Ecclesiastes 1:8)
• When Immoral Seems Normal: Adultery destroys relationships, devastates trust, and damages people emotionally and spiritually. We must remember that worldly temptation does not come from God, and resisting it often requires avoiding it in the first place. We flourish in Christ-centered relationships and should pursue those instead. (Hebrews 13:4) 
• The Illusion of Intelligence: Intelligence can be an illusion, whereas true wisdom is evident in a person’s disposition, actions, and words. This kind of wisdom comes from seeking and understanding God’s will, taking advice, and practicing discipline. (1 Corinthians 1:27)

Other chapters address what to do when bad sounds good, when bad feels good, when less looks like more, when risky looks rewarding, when lust feels like love, when credentials do not reveal character, and more.

Wendy affirms that when we submit to the Lord’s guidance, we are prepared and protected by the armour of God. She further asserts that practicing biblical discernment helps us assess people and circumstances clearly and accurately, surround ourselves with trustworthy people, and root ourselves in God, our ultimate source of strength and wisdom.

Today on Connections, Wendy shares how we avoid falling victim to the hazards of misperceptions and how to overcome deception with Biblical perception.